


My Focus is Drunk on the Floor

by winnerstick



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Angst, Established Relationship, F/F, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Heavy Drinking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-04
Updated: 2016-09-04
Packaged: 2018-08-13 01:21:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,316
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7956613
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/winnerstick/pseuds/winnerstick
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>2) things you said through your teeth &<br/>27) things you said on the phone at 4 am </p>
<p>“Like you don’t know,” Izzy snapped, locking her phone and practically slamming it down on the table. The slamming was unintentional. Maybe she had been drinking a little bit too much. “You’re her <i>best friend</i> after all. So, tell me, Simon. Where the <i>hell</i> is Clary right now? Because she told <i>me</i> she was meeting up with <i>you</i>.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	My Focus is Drunk on the Floor

“Isabelle, what are you doing?”

Isabelle barely heard what Simon was saying over the music and her own laser focus on the cell phone in front of her. She was too busy captioning the latest picture that she and Simon had taken together, something along the lines of “You forgot someone.” To Simon, it would probably look as if Isabelle meant herself, but she actually meant that Clary forgot Simon. Since that was who she claimed she was meeting up with when she tried, and failed, to sneak out of the Institute. Funny; Isabelle had no issue getting Simon to go out to Pandemonium with her.

This had been happening a lot, actually. Clary lying to her. She was always going out with someone on some vague excuse. During Magnus and Alec’s date day—where Alec threatened them all within an inch of their lives if they interrupted—Clary claimed she was going to get coffee with Magnus. A week before that, she was painting Simon’s van since it had smudged. Izzy then had the delight of running into Maureen, who was borrowing Simon’s _not smudged at all_ van.

Pair that on top of the conversations that abruptly end when Isabelle entered the room, the way Clary was pointedly texting with her screen away from Isabelle, and all of the times Izzy had woken up to an already empty bed, and she was pretty fed up. She wanted to be a trusting girlfriend. It was hard when your girlfriend was clearly lying through her teeth every time she saw you, and distant whenever she _wasn’t_ lying to your face.

“Izzy, give me your phone,” Simon insisted, holding his hand out. Isabelle just glared at the outstretched hand, before going back to sending the Snapchat to Clary. “Isabelle, stop. I know you’re in a bad mood. What’s up?”

“Like you don’t know,” Izzy snapped, locking her phone and practically slamming it down on the table. The slamming was unintentional. Maybe she had been drinking a little bit too much. “You’re her _best friend_ after all. So, tell me, Simon. Where the _hell_ is Clary right now? Because she told _me_ she was meeting up with _you_.”

Simon’s face paled and he sputtered out an answer, one that sounded way too much like an excuse for Isabelle’s liking. She rolled her eyes and picked up her phone again, slipping it into her purse, and putting the strap over her shoulder before standing up.

“I’m going for a walk,” she said decisively. “I’ll get my own way home. Go converse with Clary and figure out what your next lie will be to cover this one up.”

She turned, then, and, despite Simon’s protests, walked out the door of the club into the cold September air, but Izzy could hardly feel it. She was too fueled by her anger and, perhaps, a little bit warmed up by all the alcohol she had been drinking. This wasn’t a good idea, she knew, going out alone at about two in the morning, but she didn’t know where else to go. She couldn’t go back to the Institute and face Clary right now, and she couldn’t go back to the club to face Simon. Alec and Magnus were probably asleep, so she didn’t want to bug them, and Jace would probably be back at the Institute. No, a walk was really her only option.

She wasn’t sure how long she had been walking, but it was long enough that her legs were tired. No one else was out, aside from the poor souls who _actually_ didn’t have a place to go tonight. Isabelle plopped down on a bench and pulled out her phone. It was almost four am, and her battery was about dead, probably because of the fifteen times Simon tried to call her, the thirty times Clary tried to call her, and the 45 text messages from Clary, Simon, and even Alec she had. Funny, she hadn’t even heard her phone go off.

She swiped all the notifications away and instead sat there, holding her phone and staring. How could things have gotten to this? Why did Clary feel the need to lie to her? Izzy couldn’t help that her mind went to cheating; she wanted to believe that Clary would never do that, but with the way she had been acting, it was hard to make herself believe that. She sat there for a little bit longer, feeling the effects of the alcohol slowly wane and allowing the cold to set in just a little bit more, before she picked up her phone and dialed Clarys number.

Surprisingly, no one answered. Clary must have fallen asleep finally.

“Clary, it’s Izzy. You know. The love of your life? At least I was last month. Not as much this month, I guess.” She sighed. “I just. I’m sorry. I’m sorry I threw that temper tantrum and got you and Simon and Alec all worried about me for nothing. I’m okay, you know. I can handle myself. And I’ll get myself back to the Institute soon. I just… had to call you. But it’s late, so I’m sure you finally fell asleep. I should’ve just… talked to you. Instead of letting it build.”

Isabelle ran her fingers through her hair to buy time, even though she knew Clary wouldn’t see that action and would only hear silence. Whatever. It made Izzy feel better. “I don’t understand what’s going on with you. You’ve been lying nonstop and sneaking out and avoiding me, and if you do spend time with me, you’re not really there. I don’t know what to do with that. I don’t know what I did wrong or how to fix it.”

Isabelle didn’t even completely realize she had started crying, but by the time the tears fell, it seemed so obvious. She could feel the catching in her throat, the burning in her eyes. Of course she was crying. How could she not, when she was pretty sure that Clary was getting ready to break up with her?

“I just. I love you. I think I’ve loved you since that first time you woke up and almost broke my skull with your forehead. Which you never apologized for, but I guess I forgive you. And if you’d be happier being somewhere else, or dating someone else, then I can be happy for you, too. I just wish you’d tell me, so we could spare both of us the heartache of living in this limbo. I don’t want to imagine my life without you, but if it would make you happier, I would. I’d do anything to make you happy. I just… need you to stop lying to me.”

She took a deep breath, standing up. “I’m going to walk back to the Institute now. We’ll talk soon. I’m sorry for tonight. I love you. Bye.”

_Well, now or never,_ Isabelle thought, and started the walk back to the Institute.

By the time she got back to the Institute, it was about five am. The sun hadn’t started to rise yet, but the sky was definitely lightening up considerably in preparation. Everyone was probably either asleep or out on a mission, so Isabelle tread lightly through the hallways and into her bedroom.

The last thing she expected to see right now was Clary sprawled out on top of the covers, fully clothed, and fast asleep. Despite everything that happened, though, Isabelle couldn’t help the sudden warmth that flowed through her. She didn’t want Clary to worry, but the fact that she _had_ meant something, didn’t it? Her anger settled back, pushed aside but not fully forgotten, and Isabelle set about trying to get Clary under the covers.

Because this was a difficult task, Isabelle wasn’t surprised when Clary’s eyes fluttered open.

“Iz,” she said, her voice rough from sleep. Probably emotion, too.

“Shh,” Isabelle replied, smoothing Clary’s hair back. “Go back to sleep.”

Clary was quiet for a moment, considering this, and Isabelle took that opportunity to pull the covers out from under her girlfriend and attempt to pull them over Clary’s body. She was stopped, though, by Clary taking her wrist, her eyes suddenly open.

“No, no, Iz, we need to talk!” Clary insisted, pushing back on Izzy’s arm and pulling herself up to sit. “Are you okay? What time is it?”

“About five AM,” Izzy answered. “Which is why we should sleep. We can talk later.”

“No, _no._ Now, we need to talk now.” Clary let go of Izzy and stood up, pacing a little before stopping abruptly and turning to Izzy. “I need you to follow me.”

“Clary, really, we don’t have to do this right no—“

“No, we do! We need to do this _right now_.”

Isabelle sighed and shrugged, following after Clary, who had already retreated out the door. Clary led them through the hallways, even a few that Isabelle had only been through when she was younger and trying to cause trouble, and up the stairs. Isabelle hardly registered where they were going until they were already on top of the roof and… in her memory, it had never looked this way.

The roof of the institute, or at least the part you could actually stand on, was small. Because the vast majority of it was sloped, with only a small section of flat surface, it had fallen into disuse. Usually there was nothing up there aside from some electrical boxes, but Izzy had spent a great amount of time up here with Alec and Jace when they were younger simply because the view of the trees surrounding the Institute was incredible. But now, the dirty and empty roof was looking… beautiful, honestly. There were stringed lights along the railing, though they weren’t plugged in, and there were flowers in pots everywhere surrounding a blanket covered in pillows.

Clary had moved to the pillows and was sitting down, holding out her hand to Isabelle with a sheepish smile.

“What’s all this?” Izzy asked, unable to keep the hesitation from her voice as she stepped carefully onto the blankets and took a seat beside Clary.

“This is… what I’ve been doing.” She took Isabelle’s hand softly, testing the waters, and then tightened her grip when Isabelle didn’t pull away. “I’ve been working with Alec and Magnus and Simon a little to get all of these things. It’s been really hard trying to get all of the flowers and figure out a way to actually have them planted here. I wanted to try to make this like a little rooftop garden, but easier said than done. Flower pots were about the best I could do. I was trying to also get actual furniture, but I got these blankets and pillows in the meantime. I was trying to plan a date, as silly as it sounds.”

Isabelle rolled her eyes. “A month of lying and avoiding me, all to plan one date? Come on, Clary. It doesn’t take _that_ much work.”

Clary rubbed the back of her neck and shrugged. “I get a little… caught up in things, you know? And this wasn’t supposed to be _just_ a date. There was more to it than that. We were going to go to this show—one of the nights I had to go wait in line for tickets. You haven’t heard them, but I think you’d like them a lot. Then I was going to take you here with a picnic and have the lights up and it’d be all beautiful. I wanted to show you how much you meant to me. I guess I didn’t realize how weird I was being in the meantime. It was just… taking a lot more planning and work and budgeting than I thought. A ridiculous amount of shopping, really.”

Isabelle nodded a little and looked around. It really _was_ beautiful. And, in all reality, it did look like this took a lot of work. Getting everything here without Izzy knowing, finding the flowers and the pots and figuring out how to make a rooftop garden, failing and figuring out another plan… Izzy could see how this could take a few weeks of work. She squeezed Clary’s hand and nodded.

“I got your message, Iz. Before I fell asleep again. I’m just… I’m so, so sorry. You mean the world to me, you know? And I never meant to make you feel bad. I was just trying to do something special. To show you how much I love you. And I kind of ended up doing the exact opposite. All because I’m _terrible_ at lying and keeping secrets.”

Isabelle smiled, shrugging a little. “You can say that again. But if that’s your main flaw, I’m okay with that. Just… maybe let me do the surprises, okay? I’m a little better at acting natural. You have a tendency to act _guilty_.”

“Agreed,” Clary said, smiling. She scooted a little closer and rested her head on Izzy’s shoulder. “I love you, okay? And I’ve loved you for so long. And I will continue to love you for so long. Forever, even. And now this can kind of be like… our place. If we need to get away together, or apart, we can go here. It can be ours.”

Izzy nodded, wrapping her arm around Clary’s waist. “Yeah, it can be.” She watched the sun start to peek out from behind the trees and the buildings, like it was bringing her back home. “Just ours.”

Clary hummed a little, but it sounded distant, so Izzy pulled away and stood up, holding her hands out to Clary to help her up. Clary smiled and stood up as well, and they walked back to bed with their arms around each other.

“I love you, Iz.”

“I love you, too, Clary.”

And everything was back to how it should be.

**Author's Note:**

> come hang out with me on tumblr! izziefray.tumblr.com


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